How to get traffic for your blog

June 5, 2006 in Latest from Arc Iris, design and blogging | No comments

  • 1. Become, like, really good at loads of things and then write about them.
  • 2. Get to know loads of really influential people and then write about what you think they’re gonna do next.
  • 3. Carefully cultivate Robert Scoble’s friendship and then when he’s not expecting it, write a really nasty post that he will link to angrily.
  • 4. Write about members of the Technorati Top 100, calling them by their first name as if you hang out all the time.
  • 5. Check your RSS feeds 20 or 30 times a day in case Google unexpectedly buys a company that builds interactive toilet seats, and then immediately write a post moaning about it.
  • 6. Go without food and sleep in order to stay up to date (if you’re a serious blogger there’s no need to warn against sex- you won’t be getting any anyway).
  • 7. Always write everything in lists, even if it’s a totally inappropriate format- e.g.
    • 1. Not been posting much lately
    • 2. Because I just found out my dog has IBS
    • 3. However the vet is hopeful she’ll
    • 4. make a full recovery.
  • 8. Desperately comment on other peoples’ posts, even when you have nothing to say: e.g. ‘wow, Godin, you are so right AGAIN!‘
  • 9. Become really successful and then write about how you did it.
  • 10. Write lists about how to get blog traffic, knowing that most of the advice is stuff people are doing anyway, but knowing that everyone is continually searching for that one special trick that will make them stand out from the dreary herd of monkeys trying to produce Shakespeare just for one solitary second before they sink back into the word-filled miasma of obscurity for ever and ever.

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